This is especially for the overtly PC out there, a politically correct 12 Days of Xmas . . .

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult monogamous relationship gave to me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and…

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Thanks go to Jennifer of write101.com for sharing this joke. Yes folks, it is a joke. You can laugh.

If you have received email for any length of time, it’s very likely you will have been sent phishing messages. These masquerade as legitimate emails from banks, or companies such as Ebay, but are really aimed at getting you to disclose your personal information to third parties. Often you can tell they are fake, for example if you receive a message from bank you have never had an account with, but phishers are becoming more and more devious in the way they mimic real communications. There are some things you can do to protect yourself.

First, if you receive a message you are unsure about, don’t click on the link in the email to check it out. Instead, go to the official site via your bookmarks, or by typing the url into the address bar of your browser. If you don’t know the real url, search for it on Google or some other search engine. Once there, log into your account and see if there is a message for you. Alternatively, use the contact information on the site, to get in touch with a real person and ask them.

There is also a free toolbar you can download which will block phishing sites, you can find it here. It’s available for both IE and Firefox.

1. Cats are more likely to be injured if they fall from the 5 – 7th floors of a building than higher up. Don’t try this at home, just take my word, it’s true. Apparently, the baggy skin along their sides creates a kind of parachute effect, which helps them glide to the ground if they fall from higher up.

2. Most polar bears are left handed.

3. Pigs are more intelligent than dogs, and can run at 11mph.

4. Squirrels can swim.

5. The oldest chicken in the world is allegedly Matilda aged 14, the average age for a chicken is 10.

6. It is now believed that all domestic dogs are descended from three female ancestors, and that dogs were first domesticated in Asia.

7. Giant tortoises live for an average of 200 years, giving it one of the longest life spans of any creature on the planet. The mayfly, which lives for only a few hours has one of the shortest.

8. 3/4 of all creatures on earth are insects.

9. Hedgehogs are not related to porcupines.

10. Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

I’ve just added a nifty little map to this blog. It gives a visual demonstration of the locations of visitors. If you fancy one yourself, just visit this site: http://clustrmaps.com/index.htm

Now, where do I get one of these?

Someone has invented a device which emits a high pitched beep, audible only to the under 20s. The idea is, it will prevent gangs of teenagers hanging around outside shops, but I’m sure parents will be able to find other uses for it. Want the lounge to yourself one evening? Switch on the Mosquito and your teenagers will be gone. And of course you won’t be able to hear it, so can truthfully give a negative answer when they ask if you can hear a horrible noise.

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