In which I dispense fashion advice AKA How to avoid looking like a bag lady

I spent a hour or so browsing around various fashion sites this afternoon – not sure why because they tend to be as annoying as fashion magazines, but I suppose at least I don’t have to pay for them. Anyhoo, I’ve decided I’m not going to visit them again because, quite frankly, the advice they gave me was pretty darn useless.

I admit, I am a little over 25, so the latest, hot looks may not be quite the thing for me, but fortunately, some sites do cater for those women who have a little experience under their belts*. However, I can’t say I was very impressed with the suggestions they were making, not least because despite many assertions that being over 40 does not mean you have to dress in a dowdy fashion, they then went on to suggest a number of outfits which could only be described as, umm, dowdy.

I give you Exhibit Number 1: The ebook advertised on this page may be wonderful – I haven’t read it, so if you have, do let me know – but I don’t think I’ll be buying a copy if the accompanying photo is an indication of the contents. The last time I saw anyone wearing a blouse like that, it was Maggie Smith playing Miss Jean Brodie. And, with all due respect to Caryn Franklin, I’m not quite ready to dress like a frustrated old spinster just yet.

And on to Exhibit Number 2: More magazine, which apparently celebrates women over 40, had a whole section devoted to fashion in which I found this – if it doesn’t take you to the right image, click through until you come to page 9. That outfit is truly hideous, no woman of any age should ever wear anything that even remotely resembles that. (Well, not unless she is heading out to a fancy dress party with a bad taste theme.) In fact, it barely resembles an outfit, and looks more like someone has gone home in whatever was left over at the end of a jumble sale.

There were other examples, but I’ll spare you the details. I do wonder though quite what the people who pass on this ‘advice’ are really trying to do. Is it some kind of joke? Are these places staffed by young twenty-somethings who once lost a boyfriend to some glamourous Salma Hayek/Helen Mirren lookee-likee? Do other women actually follow along with this? Am I alone in not wishing to don garments that would make me look 20 years older? I didn’t wake up on my 40th birthday to find I suddenly resembled Granny Weatherwax, so why should I, or any other woman, turn into a dreary, old frump?

Oh, and if you are over 40 and wondering what to wear, my advice is whatever you bloody well feel comfortable in! But, don’t go around in something that flashes your knickers – that’s tacky at any age. And avoid velour, because it just looks nasty.

* Notice how I managed to avoid the use of the word ‘mature’ which has become a euphemism for old.

Currently listening to: 51st State by New Model Army

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