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I think this version works really, really well!

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I came down with a cold yesterday (poor me) and over the course of today I’ve lost my voice – really, it’s pretty much gone, I’m talking in a strange, little whisper*. This has been a bit of a problem, partly because people kept phoning but I couldn’t speak to them, and also because our dog (the one who is known online as The Surrealist, but who is really called Smithy) has realised that he can be as naughty as he likes because I can’t tell him to stop** so decided to spend the afternoon stealing tissues out of the bin, rounding up the cats*** and standing in front of the television every time I tried to change the channel. Unlike The Battery Eating Hound (Barney), who is A Very Good Dog who takes care of poorly people, Smithy believes an act is only naughty if a person actually says, ‘Smithy, that’s naughty’.

Eventually, I managed to bring things under control using an elaborate series of hand gestures, whistles and stern (grrr, see me scowl) facial expressions which he responded to, and which I thought were pretty impressive in a take-that-Barbara Woodhouse-I-can-control-dogs-without-screeching kind of a way. To be truthful, the whole routine did look ridiculous and I think he was humouring me because he found it entertaining and wondered what I’d do next, but it worked.

Later, when Mr Blogs came in, I demonstrated my wonderful canine control skills to him, and he laughed! Yes, laughed.

And then he said, ‘Ooh, watch out Smithy. If you don’t behave, I’ll waggle my finger and pull a face. Now don’t you make me pull a face. Do you want to make me whistle? You won’t like me when I whistle’.

I responded with ‘Bugger off‘, but he didn’t hear.

* Anyone who laughs and says that is probably a good thing is a mean person who’s just being mean.
** And people say cats are self-centred, (rolls eyes).
***  He’s mostly collie so this is instinctive, but we don’t encourage it because the cats aren’t keen, not sure why.

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Image by Getty Images via DaylifeIt’s my birthday, America has a new president and all is right with the world 

I think I can speak for nearly everyone else on the planet* when I say it’s wonderful to see the return of the America we all know and love. Well, it’s not a return, the real America was always there, but her voice was drowned out by Curious George and his evil henchmen (and women). Thank you for shutting them up and kicking them out!

* And those who don’t agree are probably the sort of people who complain because their fingers aren’t the same length so we can ignore the miserable killjoys them.

Currently listening to: Staying out for the summer by Dodgy



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