It Lives!

I'm (hopefully) doing NaNoWriMo this year, so decided to revive this blog to chart my progress. And because that's a pretty short post, here's one of the Lost Posts*. I thought it deserved another airing because it's one of the weirdest things I've ever blogged about.

Just when I thought the Daily Mail couldn’t get any weirder …

Posted 22/06/09

I heard about this weird Victoria Beckham nipple surgery story from Beki . The whole idea is bizarre, to say the least, but this quote from a surgeon took that to whole new levels:

‘Until now celebrities didn’t expose their nipples so they were no “nipple role models”,’ explains Dr Riccardo Frati, a cosmetic surgeon for the Harley Medical Group.

Nipple role models! He really said that? Why on earth would anyone need such a thing? Are there people out there desperate for nipple related guidance? Will we see the emergence of nipple mentors for those whose nipples have gone astray?

I foresee self-help books and groups for the owners of rebellious nipples. Probably several documentary series presented by self-appointed nipple experts, and of course, lots of articles in such papers as the Daily Mail blaming the whole problem on a general lack of standards and the Labour government. Commenters to those articles would then suggest a return to national service to sort those naughty nipples out, and remind us that prior to the mid ’60’s no one had nipples anyway and it never did anyone any harm.
 

* There are posts missing from this blog, but they're safe on Facebook - long (and dull) story.

No longer in residence

I should have really posted this before but, better late than never - I've moved the blog to a new address. Actually, it's not new, it's been there before, but whatever. You'll now find it here, and I hope you'll continue to read. Everything looks pretty much the same so you shouldn't have any trouble finding the tea and biscuits. If you're a subscriber, you won't need to do anything, the feed url is the same so updates will continue to appear in your reader. I'll leave this blog in place because there's always a chance I'll want to come back (Blogger is very cosy) and, that's pretty much it.

Expanding on tweets

I'm stuck for something to post about so I'm resorting to expanding on tweets. I shouldn't really have told you that, should I? I could have fibbed and told you all it was a fabulous new idea. Hmm.

"@misfitduck I should post a bit of Marilyn Manson and my thoughts about why nappy changing isn't an interesting topic to blog about lol"

This was part of a thread about me being added to a 'mom bloggers' directory. I couldn't find any videos that weren't low quality bootlegs, so no Manson (aren't you disappointed?) but my point stands! Nappy changing; snot; stomach complaints and painful, gory birth stories just don't make good reading. I can't imagine why, but trust me, they just don't. If your toddler regurgitates his breakfast all over your dog every morning, please don't go into detail about the appearance, texture and smell. It is too much information. Anyone who tells you they do want to know about this stuff is being polite. Really! If they are genuine then they probably aren't the sort of person you want within 500 yards of your blog.

I'm also a bit bemused about being listed in such a place. I'm not a mom blogger; I'm a mum who blogs. There is a difference! In fact, I find the term rather demeaning; it's dismissive. It implies mothers with blogs are all pretty much the same and not very interesting - our heads are too full of thoughts of snot and washing powder obviously.

And having brought the ire of proud mom bloggers down on my head (there are lots of them; they stick together and hunt in packs), I move on to mocking the nicest person in Britain ...

"Yeah, the words smug, self-promoter come to mind. Also, for a while I thought Myleene Klaas was a cleaning product, really."

The first part doesn't apply to Myleene Klaas, but I really did think her name was a brand of cleaning product. This was mostly because I first heard it in the sentence "Ooh, that Myleene Klaas is good", and I assumed it was actually Mylene Class, something a bit like Cilit Bang, but more upmarket. I still think that works, the advertising jingle could be 'My-lene, My-lene, gets your win-dows cl-ean'.

Off to see if there's a blogger protection programme ...







I appreciate you dropping by,
Please leave a comment, don't be shy

6 Tips for StumbleUpon Success

This week I discovered I've been using StumbleUpon all wrong. Foolishly, I thought I was doing it right, what with only adding people I know or have something in common with; rarely using the send page feature; stumbling friends pages etc. However, it seems I'm not. There's a new breed of SU user, and these guys rock! I only became aware of them this week, but I wish I'd known sooner. I could have emulated them, and achieved SU nirvana - which I'm sure they have, they're that good! I'm guessing they're enormously popular too because they really understand the idea of community. Anyhoo, I've spent a little time studying their methods, and I'm going to share their secrets with you lucky people - you'll thank me for this, really. So read on to discover how you can become an SU rockstar.

1) Randomly add everyone. Don't bother to check the box in the sidebar to see if you have any common interests, and don't even think of  browsing the pages they've liked. Just add people, in large numbers. They're sure to reciprocate.

2) When you come across a page you like, don't just give it a thumbs up and move on; send it to every single person on your friends list. All of them! They're sure to be fascinated by 22 separate pages of news from your local area even if they happen not to live there. I know I was. It made my day to read about an application for planning permission in some part of Canada I'd never heard of. Please send more.

3) Send all your friends the link to your blog, every day. Make sure you don't accidentally send a post link, make it the main page, that's always better. For special bonus points, add auto-playing music; half a dozen videos and at least 5 flash animations. This is sure to make your blog load slowly and/or freeze their browser. They'll appreciate that.

4) This is a tricky one due to the the terms of service but, if you happen to find anything obscene, gory or just plain icky, do share it. Everyone loves to look at the that stuff. I know I do! My morning isn't complete if  I haven't been nauseated at least once

5) Bombard them with religious and political views they don't agree with. This is important! Always do this. No, they don't have a right to an opinion of their own, and would much prefer to have yours rammed down their throats. You'll probably gain a few converts along the way.

6) Under no circumstances must you ever interact with your new friends (except for the above). Do not respond to messages, especially if the person is asking you to stop sending them crap; that person is just jealous of your superior stumbling skills. Never, ever attempt to stumble their pages, they are there to stumble yours and it really is all about you.

So there you have it. How to be a (complete prat) power user on StumbleUpon.








Currently listening to: Birds, they're very loud for some reason.


I appreciate you dropping by,
Please leave a comment, don't be shy