Good Afternoon, Dear Reader. As I haven’t posted for a while, I thought I’d pop in to share my thoughts about some of the big news stories of the last couple of weeks.

Usually, researching this kind of post involves spending quite some time rummaging through the lesser seen regions of Google news, seeking out oddities, anomalies and the downright strange. Not this week, or last week for that matter. No. It seems the great and the good have decided to gift bloggers and columnists everywhere with the kind of material that one really couldn’t make up.

- I begin with Ricky Gervais and his one man crusade to reclaim* the word, ‘mong’. Mr Gervais has now issued an apology saying he had been “naive”, and, “(n)ever dreamed that idiots still use that word aimed at people with Down’s Syndrome”.  However, prior to his climbdown, those who objected were labeled, “humourless”, while his fans described the criticism as political correctness gone mad and an attack on free speech – which is odd because the last time I checked the laws surrounding freedom of speech didn’t include a clause advocating bullying.

- The saga of Liam Fox and his ‘friend’, the delightfully named Werritty** rumbles on. Mr Fox has now resigned but not before blaming everyone but himself for his downfall saying the criticism of his take-a-mate-to-work policy was due to “vindictiveness” and “hatred”. I suppose I can see his point. If plumbers and bricklayers can take a mate to work, why not defence ministers  who are involved in secret strategic talks with key allies? Surely unblocking a sink and discussing the defence of the realm are exactly the same thing? No? OK, I see your point – Mr Fox still needs some persuading though.

- And then there is Oliver Letwin, millionaire and MP for West Dorset, who was photographed dumping official papers into a rubbish bin in a central London park. It turns out this is also a perfectly normal thing to do because the papers weren’t top secret or anything***, just letters from his constituents. So, the good people of West Dorset now know how their elected representative treats their correspondence. So far, Mr Letwin hasn’t come up with an excuse, or found anyone else to blame, but if he wants to I suggest pinning it all on St Eric Pickles, patron saint of the garbage obsessed – if only Eric had reintroduced weekly collections sooner ….

- In (very much) related news: still available on BBC iPlayer, Holy Flying Circus is a “fantastical re-imaging” of the controversy surrounding the release of Monty Python’s, Life of Brian, which is quite apt considering the Ricky Gervais story I opened with. Life of Brian is a perfect example of comedy being used to challenge preconceived ideas. Contrary to what the anti-Brian propaganda said, the film did not attacks Christians, it challenged blind, unquestioning belief.

I suppose Ricky Gervais fans could argue that attacking preconceived ideas was their intention, but I’m not so sure. I have a feeling many/most of them unquestioningly retweeted Gervais’ mong tweets simply because of his celebrity status. They didn’t stop to think about what they were doing, they just followed along because some famous person was leading, a bit like the Brianists, really****.

- And finally: the death of Dennis Ritchie earlier this month was a little overlooked, which is very sad. Mr Ritchie was the inventor of the programming language C, and the co-inventor of the Unix operating system.  Although he was hardly a household name in the way people such as Bill Gates or the late Steve Jobs are, his influence on the technology that has become so much a  part of our everyday lives can not be overstated. It is no exaggeration to say that pretty much everything you see or do on your computer you owe to him. Yes, there were other languages, and there were other OS, but the ones he worked on were most elegant and the most practical. He truly was a pioneer!

*Not entirely sure how he intended to do this, because I thought you could only reclaim a word if it had been applied to you. For example: gay people and the word gay.

** Werritty sounds as though he could be a cousin of Raggety from Rupert the Bear.

*** I suspect he’s not trusted with the really serious stuff.

**** I blame their parents who obviously never used the traditional response, ‘And if all the other boys jumped off a bridge, would you follow?’, when their offspring tried to blame bad behaviour on the influence of others. I’m guessing they never said, ‘Stop swinging your school bag, you’ll have someone’s eye out’, or, ‘ But superheroes eat all their carrots, that’s why they have super powers!’, either.

Updated to add: Life of Brian is also on iPlayer – just watching it now, it’s still funnier than a very funny thing indeed!


Anyone familiar with football – that’s soccer to you folk across the Atlantic – will have heard the phrase, ‘play the ball, not the man’. It basically means that when a player goes in for a tackle, they should aim to take control of the ball without nobbling their opponent. I’ve often thought that this is a useful maxim for writers too, especially those who specialise in opinion pieces.

I was reminded of this today while reading Melanie Phillips latest offering in the Daily Mail, in which she attempts to deflect attention away from the fact that Anders Breivik quoted her – not once, but twice – in his ‘manifesto’. Apparently, all the hate and bile she spouts on a weekly basis have absolutely no effect on anyone. Obviously, she can’t claim her columns are full of sweetness and light and fluffy kittens, so she defends her use of hateful language saying, “Some words undoubtedly do have hateful or violent consequences — but they are by definition hateful or violent words”.

I find this argument very strange because she seems to be saying that hateful and violent words can influence people, but those who write the hateful and violent words are in no way responsible. How can that be? Surely, the writer chose to use hateful words? The words don’t write themselves. It’s disingenuous of Ms Phillips to suggest that somehow she is not responsible for what she writes. The words made me do it is not a defence.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t take too much notice of the sources that influenced Breivik, he’s obviously not entirely rational even if he is found to be sane. And, irrational people have done all sorts of terrible things because they believed completely innocent texts supported it. However, in this case I do think Melanie gave him an awful lot to work with; her columns are not objective, she doesn’t play the ball, she plays the man, or the woman, or, on occasion, the dog.

Melanie Phillips is a bit like the Razor Ruddock of journalism. When she writes about, for example, single parents the resulting piece is less informed commentary and more of a two-footed tackle to the back of the knees. Instead of an insightful overview of the coalition government, she produces the written equivalent of elbowing David Cameron in the face. She rarely uses facts – pesky things, they get in the way of a good rant – preferring to rattle off stereotypes and generalisations. She then backs herself up by insisting her views are “shared by millions of decent British people”. I suspect she may be wrong about that, and that her views are shared, but not by decent people, British or otherwise.

Of course, Melanie does differ from Razor in some crucial ways. Razor could argue that he nobbled opposing players because of competitiveness, because he desperately wanted his team to win, and that his opponents were perfectly capable of defending themselves.

Melanie prefers opponents who don’t have the luxury of a national newspaper column so who can’t fight back, and she doesn’t act out of a will to win, but because, I suspect, she enjoys kicking people who can’t retaliate. And unlike Razor, who took a sending off in good humour, accepting it as part and parcel of the physical style he chose to play, Melanie refuses to accept that she has done anything wrong. Not only does she feel she has no responsibility for the words she writes, she actually believes she is a victim of  a left-wing conspiracy to smear the right.

As soon as the atrocity happened, people on the Left saw a heaven-sent opportunity to smear mainstream conservative thinkers and writers by making a grossly distorted association between Breivik’s attack and their ideas.”

Except, that’s not really true is it? I haven’t seen anyone using this as an opportunity to ‘smear conservative thinkers’. Norman Tebbit is pretty far to the right but you’d have to be a bit potty to think his opinions would lead him to use mass murder to promote his cause. Once again, Ms Phillips is being disingenuous.

No one seriously believes the ‘right’ are one homogeneous group who all think the same; no one seriously believes the right are violent, homophobic, racist misogynists to a man, woman and dog. The people being scrutinised and found wanting are those, like Melanie, who choose to denigrate whole sections of society simply because they are different. They align themselves to the right, but really they’re just intolerant arses.

I doubt Melanie will ever read this, but just in case she happens by:

Melanie, you are in a very fortunate position. Not only do you live in a country where your right to speak freely is protected in law, but you have a national newspaper column to expound your views. However, with rights and privileges come responsibility. You have the right to express your views, but you also have a duty to do so in a responsible and appropriate manner. This does not stifle your opinions, it just means you use words with care and skill. You have to play the ball, not the man.

You are a very talented writer – your long career is testament to this – you know that words are not merely words, words have power, but that power is in the hands of the individual who uses the words, not the words themselves. I’m just a naive, inexperienced and relatively young blogger, but I know that. You, with your glittering career and years of experience most certainly do.

Stop hiding behind words, admit you screwed up and went too far, show some humility. It’s the mature thing to do and it may possibly gain you a modicum of respect. Continue to play the victim and ‘decent’ people, British or otherwise, will continue to think you are reprehensible.



I chose this week’s video mostly because the title ties in with the theme of the following post.

Browsing through a few writerly blogs earlier today, I noticed people talking about being commissioned to write up to 20 articles in one day* and found the idea quite incredible. How can someone do that? I don’t just mean in practical, time management terms, I mean, how can someone call themselves a writer when they are simply cranking out articles by the dozen? Surely they are little more than human word processors, and no more writers than someone who fries burgers in McDonalds is a chef.

Writing is a craft; it involves skills which must be practiced and developed. It is not about mass production. Of course any literate person can write an article, but that does not make them a writer. Anyone can write a book, that doesn’t make them a writer either. To use an example: Tennessee Williams was a writer, Barbara Cartland wrote books.

I admit, I am not the most prolific writer and I suppose my opposition to bulk writing could be simply subconscious envy, but I don’t think it is. I strongly believe that what these people are doing is devaluing real writing; they are making it an instant commodity, no different to those aforementioned burgers. They call themselves writers but they really aren’t. Real writers labour long and hard over a single piece of work; real writing can rarely be cranked out in 20 minutes (although that can happen on good days); real writers write because they need to, not because they want to! And trust me, most who merely want to give up because it can be a horrible, thankless occupation. At it’s worst, it isn’t something any sane person would choose to do. It means long hours alone, almost pathological self-criticism and constant rejection. It involves taking your deepest, often darkest thoughts and exposing them to public scrutiny and possible ridicule. There’s a reason so many writers are a little bit mad; it’s because they’re writers.

I read this a little while ago, and one of the comments struck a chord because it described mindset of a writer so aptly:

“An author wakes up with a story burning in their mind and it never goes away, it is an obsession, absolute torture and the only way to relieve the pressure is to get it out of your head. If you aren’t like that then you’re a crappy writer, simple as that. Without passion there is nothing but words on a page, dull, boring words on a page.”

It is an obsession, it can be very much like a form of torture and you do need to have a passion for what you’re writing. I find it very hard to believe anyone wakes up with a burning desire to write a dozen blog posts about cheese, or that those posts are going to be anything but filler.

If you happen to be someone who makes a living this way, you may feel disgruntled. That’s fair enough, but I’m not going to apologise because you are debasing what I and countless others do. In fact not just what we do, but what we are. You are a content provider not a writer, so please stop calling yourself one.

* If you visit certain freelancing sites you will find plenty of similar jobs usually providing content for blogs that border on spam.



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Does the process of optimising for search engines lead to poor quality writing? If you believe this article, then yes, it does. However, I think the writer is kind of missing the point, or at least assuming that it is inevitable. Personally, I don’t think so. Of course there are commercial sites which adopt the practice described in this article, but they aren’t the norm. And, what is more, they will find that offering poor quality content will actually be to their detriment. Very few people buy anything on their first visit to a website, in fact it can take up to seven visits before a visitor becomes a customer. The sites that get the return visits are the ones with good quality content, not the dull, overtly commercial ones.

I can understand why site owners feel they need to place search engine optimisation above readability and interest. This is a rule that is drummed into them by the professional SEO companies. ‘Get those keywords and terms in place, make sure you use just enough to achieve a high ranking with the search engines, but not so many that you are labelled a spammer.’ This rule is fine if the only visitors you want are search engine bots, but for real people, you need real content. The good news is, most websites do provide this, for every overly zealous SEO-er, there are a dozen other site owners, who know little to nothing about SEO, yet whose sites perform well, receive many regular visitors and even make money. So, the moral of this post is, use the title and description tags in your page headers, use the alt tag with images, but don’t get your knickers in knot about SEO, your vistors will thank you. Oh, and not all SEO companies are the same, for really good advice go to Highrankings.com, their free newsletter is full of great info.

Well, the snow has finally arrived here, TFIF and I don’t need to go anywhere.

Listening to: Around the World – Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

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