Itisi

Hello Dear Reader I’m supposed to painting my kitchen, but can’t decide which paint to use*, so instead I thought I’d drop in here and write a long overdue post. It feels a bit weird to be writing again, somewhat like riding a bike after a long break; I’m all wobbly and will probably veer all over the place, so please hang in there while I get my balance. I was going to write a long, serious post, but that’s not going to work, so instead here’s a catch- up type thing -  it’s the blogging equivalent of stabilisers.

In Recent Weeks I Have:

- Ejected a frog from my kitchen. No idea how it got in, I just found it hopping about one morning. This is one of the reasons I’m starting to think living in a town might be a better idea; I never found wildlife in my kitchen when I lived in a town. Since I moved here I’ve found the above mentioned frog, a bat, a pigeon, assorted rodents, some kind of mutant wasp** and a dog***. Apparently there are plans to reintroduce wolves into the UK, I do like that idea, but if it happens I am definitely moving to a more urban location because I suspect that, unlike frogs, it will take more than a dustpan and a mop bucket to eject a wolf from your kitchen.

- Tried to find a ghost walk in York. Actually, it’s more a case of trying to find the right one to go on, there are loads! At least three of them claim to be the original York ghost walk, and one claims to be world famous, but I’d never heard of it, so I’m a bit dubious about that***. Anyhow, I’m supposed to be going to York for a few days next month, and I’d really love to go on one,  so if anyone can suggest a tour it would be much appreciated.

- Watched the Hackergate coverage which seems to get more bizarre and unsavoury with every new revelation. I’m guessing certain politicians will be hoping it will all die down during the summer recess, but I have a feeling this is a scandal too far.

Oh, and someone should tell George Osborne that smirking at the opposition during a debate about the hacking of the phone of a murdered teenager makes you look like an insensitive loon.

- Planning next year’s holiday. I’m going on a big adventure taking in Greece, it’s islands and Albania! However, according to a friend****, this might be quite a risky undertaking because we won’t have a rep (not package tour people) and it will be hot. I’m not quite sure how having a rep alleviates the effects of heat, do they follow you with an AC unit over their shoulder?

It does make me wonder how people managed for all those years before package holidays – and reps – were invented. For example, the Duke of Wellington, I’m sure he didn’t have a rep during the Napoleonic wars, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t have a problem with his men spontaneously combusting. Admittedly, my knowledge of that period mostly comes from watching Sharpe, but I don’t remember an episode when Sean Bean says, ‘Eee ‘Arper, I’d love to capture that enemy fortress, but in this heat when we haven’t got a rep? No chance’. Obviously, it is not historically accurate.

Anyhoo, I’m jumping on my seat excited about the trip, and rather hoping it will be hot.

That’s about as exciting as it’s been, so I’ll go back to thinking about paint, and leave you with a LOLcat


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*It’s a choice between bluebell blue or a kind of peach shade, I say kind of because I mixed it using bits of paint from other tins, so it’s probably not on a paint chart.

** No, it wasn’t one of those Spanish ones the Daily Mail were warning us about. It was thin, about three inches long and had an evil glint in what I think was it’s eye.

*** Not my dog, it was some random dog called Ted – he was wearing a collar, he didn’t tell me.

**** Sorry, just because some of your customers are from overseas that does not make you world famous. Following this logic: I used to be a waitress in Stratford, our customers came from all over the world, therefore, because these people are aware of my existence I must be world famous too.

***** A man who wears speedos and flip-flops while holidaying, completely unaware that this makes him look like an aging porn star.